I was overtaken by an amazing revelation when I woke today. This is what happy is suppose to feel like.
Sometimes I get too caught up in the “doing” part of life. I get too busy to feed the parts of my brain that need to be fed something other than mandatory continuing education credits. I put off opportunities to fill my spirit and soul because I am simply too tired to fit it into an already overlapping schedule of work, sleep, meetings, errands and household tasks. I forget to invest in myself so that I have what it takes to give to others. I find myself defined by roles, responsibilities and expectations. I become a slave to an unfulfilling schedule that eventually begins to reshape the person I am – until something snaps and suddenly, I am reminded, hey, this isn’t me. I know better than this.
That moment came to me about a year ago while sitting next to the glacial lake at the top of Broken Top. It was reinforced in San Francisco after a dinner of amazing sushi and just enough saki. I felt it reverberate through my soul when my skis touched snow last winter but it wasn’t until a road trip to Tahoe to watch a friend run the Western States 100 mile trail race that I knew what to do.
Like the mathematical laws that drive everything from physics to philosophy, my happiness has always been based on a simple formula that balances the ratio of fun to cruddy stuff. It’s so simple, in fact, that I forget it. I needed less cruddy stuff and more fun. I needed to make more time to enjoy the things that make me whole. I needed to surround myself with people who bring an amazing energy into the life they live. I needed to demand more time for myself and walk away from others demanding time from me. So, in a giant leap of faith, I quit my job.
(After a few meetings and negotiations, an agreement was reached that I’d still work a few shifts a month, but quitting outright might have been the scariest and bravest thing I’ve ever done so I don’t want the moment to be lost in the story.)
I’ve been off for 3 weeks now, (wait a minute, it’s only been 3 weeks?!) and today, I feel like a new person.