Identity Crisis?

I’m just not a morning person.  I never have been.  My mom bought an alarm clock for my little sister and I when we were in preschool and kindergarten because she didn’t want to be the one to wake us grumpy girls up in the morning.  My sister adjusted.  I did not.  I like to stay up late.  I like quiet.  I like to gently let go of my dreams and ease into my day.  Being thrown into wakefulness with the annoying shrill of a clock leaves me feeling unbalanced and unsettled for the first few hours of each day.

I’ve tried to be positive about my move to day shift but honesty tends to win out with me.  It’s hard.  It’s like the beginning of a new fitness routine.  Do I like it?  Um… Yes?  Maybe?  It will get better, I think.  I still find myself sleeping in until 10 every morning the alarm is not set.  Sometimes it’s closer to noon that I crawl out from the covers in a blind fog in search for coffee, like today.  Eh, it is what it is.  I am who I am.  I think maybe that my internal clock is Australian.

And then there’s the cows…  Our neighbor is using our corral for his herd and I have to admit, it’s something I really miss.  I found a calf out of the pen late last night.  I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to get her back where she belonged but we’ve had some close encounters with coyotes (and maybe even a cougar) so I knew this wasn’t something that could wait until daylight.  Unbelievably, she let me pick her up and set her back in the pen through the fence rails – which was great news because the gate was on the opposite end of the corral.  There’s something sweet about that warm, soft fur and blind trust that just has a way of making everything in this world seem so simple.  I miss that.

So now I’m a night person working days who lives on a farm without cows and an ER nurse in the part of the hospital that doesn’t really have emergencies and I’m not really too sure how this life is suppose to fit into my psyche.  It’s all a bit foreign to me. 

For now I think I will go get my poop boots on, trek through the mud and go check on the cows that aren’t ours and scan the highway for any possible traumas on my way.

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